As the holidays draw nearer and more and more *changes* happen… I have to say I get a little bummed about some of the family scenes depicting what I call the “Hallmark” family moments. You know, those perfect moments where everyone on the screen has the perfect outfit, hair is perfect, and there’s a reflection beaming off of their teeth? The “aw, come on, that shit isn’t real!” kinda things… you know them, right?
Well, I found myself in a game of what I call “grief chicken” this afternoon.
In my book (oh, did you know I wrote a book? LOL), I talk about this idea of “grief chicken” being similar to the game played when two vehicles where they drive toward each other until one or the other veers away… with grief chicken, though, it has to do with confronting the things that remind me of loved ones who have passed away, that have in the past brought me to tears.
Sometimes I put on a particular song that makes me think of my mom… and some days, it can bring me to tears in the first few notes and I’m sobbing and have to turn it off.
Sometimes I put on that song and I can get through the whole song – with tears, however, I can get through it.
I call that grief chicken. Sometimes I get out with a few tears… other times, I sob. Every time, though, I grow and heal.
Sometimes, and at the holidays, in particular, I find that honoring those who have passed by reflecting on the traditions they loved or by sharing some of my favorite memories of that person or by raising a glass with a toast, or by stepping away and taking a few minutes to meditate or pray and reflect on that person and what they meant to me. ❤
I find that in doing these things, I’m moving through the grief… processing the grief… allowing my heart to mend the wounds of that person being gone. It allows me to be with my grief and allow my grief and allow it to do what it needs to do.
If someone you love has passed away and you are feeling those feelings of loss and grief as the holidays approach, I encourage you to be ok with what shows up… be ok with the tears…. be ok with the anger… be ok with whatever comes up. If you’re ready, maybe embark on your own round of “grief chicken”… if you’re not there yet, that’s ok, too. Honor yourself and honor where you are in your process.