Think About It Thursday: Sometimes You Have To Confront That Grief… “Grief Chicken” Style.

I’ve had several conversations over the past few days that have weighed heavily on my heart.

Without disclosing information that is not mine to share, I will say that the shares have been deeply rooted in the grief process… and in particular, confronting the grief head-on (or maybe it’s heart-on).

You see, sometimes the most empowering choice is to let go. Not of a memory of a loved one or anything like that… perhaps of ‘an ideal.’ Or of the way things ‘ought to be.’

What the hell does that mean?

For example, in my case, I’ve shared about my challenging relationship with my mom… and how that carried over into how I experienced and processed the grief of her death.

One of the things I had to allow myself to let go of was the idea of having what I call “the Hallmark relationship”… where there’s a golden reflection bouncing off one of my teeth in a photo of the two of us together.

Letting go of some of those things has allowed me to grow in that own relationship and accept things as they were… as well as to feel a sense of being closer to my mom, even after her death.

It’s something I call “grief chicken” and I refer to it in the book I wrote more elaborately… essentially it looks like this:

Is there a song that reminds me of my mom? Like a song that no matter what, I always cry a river when I hear it? Yes. Ok, today I’m feeling particularly strong… I’m going to play with the idea of listening to that song and see if I can get through it without crying.

Maybe I’m able to, maybe I’m not.

You see, part of the growth happens in that process of making the decision to put the song on in the first place.

Maybe the song now reminds me of a different memory of my mom. Maybe the song reminds me of a story she or my dad told me about something from their early relationship. A memory that is now more palatable and slightly easier to digest because it has a softer spot around it.

I am hopeful that this message is supporting someone who might be grieving. Please know that yes, it’s hard… and it is worth it. Be willing to put the work in and show up for yourself.

<3 I love you and I believe in you. <3

Have you played grief chicken? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

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